Caring and giving

Picture this - An aging lady neighbor of mine recently suffered a stroke and is confined to living a partially paralyzed life... Her spouse who is even more senior is the only person available to look after her on day to day basis...

Both have lived together for over 50 years and all along this lady has handled the house hold chores while her spouse and children were pursuing their careers..

Tables have turned now... Care giver now needs to be cared for and the care receiver of years has to turn into care giver..As you rightly thought, this is not going to be easy on both! Entitlement enjoyed over 50 years is not likely to undergo a sudden reversal. Giving does not come easily to most of us while receiving is easy!

Situation was no different in this house as well.. First how exactly one goes about caring for the other, what does he do and to what extent .. what about his own routine, own friends, own life! The husband reacts in a knee jerk manner refusing any external assistance and jump in to play a heroic but foolish knight in shining armor to his beloved wife..

So far so good .. but is this sustainable over days or weeks or months or years who knows for how long? Can you just park your life on hold and expect that you will have the motivation and energy at this advanced age to carry on the heroics.. That the answer is NO was evident to every one including to the husband who gave in with in 4 weeks - after being a bundle of nerves and  exhaustion. He was sniping at the very person whom he was caring for, being rude to visitors, neighbours who he felt were some how to blame for his state and very quickly slipped into victim hood himself.

First Take Care of yourself Sir.. a Well wisher whispered in his ear.. wear your own oxygen mask before you reach out to help the other. Moment must have been right because immediately light bulb flashed in his head and he saw clearly where he was headed. ..that Mantra worked, husband hired help, resumed normal life and all is well as it can be there after!

Logical, common sense you say but then who said humans always act logical?  First Heal thyself physician ..

Aren't we all giving care to more or less extent to someone during our lives.. many a time it could be as simply but not trivial, lending a sympathetic listening ear, giving counsel, mediating in a disagreement, imparting a new and essential skill, tending to a temporary disability or illness, taking care of someone's children or pets and ... Shouldn't we ensure that we are emotionally, financially and physically fit enough before getting into being a care giver? Situations are different and exigencies of situation may draw you into care giving role before you are prepared but then we owe it to the person we care for that we quickly muster the resources needed to be able to play the role with out being a victim our self...

Something to chew on!